♥aida♥ (oreosncheese22) wrote,

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It's April of 2009 and I think i'm barely realizing how much has changed in these few years.

I wish someone had told me college was completely amazing while I was in high school. I love it; I would not have taken any time off. I have always had that inner nerd that was too smart for her own good. I love my classes and i'm making perfect grades. I love writing; it has always been a passion of mine. I never thought that I was a good writer, but my teachers seem to think differently. I'm just trying to make my grandpa proud, it's all i have ever wanted to do. I can't wait to move to Houston again and go to UofH. It really is my kind of city, you can never be bored because there is always something to do. It will be strange leaving my mom again. I hate the thought of her being all alone, but if I want to go anywhere in life I have to go. And Houston would be perfect because the majority of my family lives there. The best part about it is that I would be closer to my grandpa. I see him every weekend but I still miss him. He's done so much for me my entire life, I don't think there is anything I could ever do to repay him.

Life in Corpus isn't as bad as people make it out to be. As long as you keep yourself surrounded by good people, you'll love it. I have been so blessed to have the friends that I do now. Mandee and I are inseparable and we honestly see us growing up together. I don't doubt for a second that we're going to get married and be pregnant at the same time. Stupid, I know, but it's just that kind of a friendship. I've picked up a tendency to go out on the weekends and drink, alot. Which I really need to work on before it becomes more of a problem. I think back on the innocent little girl I used to be, so anti drinking and smoking and then I look at myself now. That's just a regular weekend. I like to have fun, but I think i've taken it as far as it should go for now. I never want it to get to the point of passed out, throwing up, or completely incoherent.

Rosana is about to graduate. I'm so proud of her, she's come a long way. She has matured and has a huge heart. She's a tigerrette, but one that you could actually stand. She has a mind, and doesn't always think with her vagina. We've been through heaven and hell together and I love her more than she will ever know. Of course, she's still the loud annoying little girl she's always been, but i've learned to live with it. Honestly, I think i'd miss it if I didn't have it anymore.

I saw my old boyfriend Brandon a few weeks ago, certainly a trip. I've known this guy about 7 years, and we've always kept in touch. He'd randomly come to my house to see me a couple times a year just to see how I was doing. I've always held a soft spot for him even though he's just ridiculous. Lately he's got himself pretty put together. He has his own house, an amazing car, a stable job, starting school, he doesn't smoke, doesn't drink. Probably everything I would want in a guy these days, but then.. he spoke. As easily as I got on cloud 9 as easily I got off. He could probably talk any girl into falling in love with him. He's the same guy he's always been, a wishful thinker with the worst intentions.

The other day Rosana brought me an old picture she had found of Robert and I at the park near my house. I had never seen it before, and in all honesty, it broke my heart. We looked so young, and so in love. He was a huge part of my past, and I realized I guess I never completely let it go. I still think about him from time to time, wonder what could've happened this past summer. He actually went out of his way and wanted to see me, actually wanted to talk to me, and I brushed it off as if it was just another person. I'm a complete dumbass, I know. He probably didn't have those kind of intentions I always wished he would, but I guess i'll never know. Someone told me he's getting married. I don't know why in the world it bothered me, but if he's happy then that's all that matters.

After two years, Leonard and I called it quits. We never actually had a stable relationship, but we had something. That something was never defined, which was the problem in it all. We wanted something casual and fun but after a while it started to get complicated. We started spending actual time together besides our 'benefits.' Everyone that knew us said there was more to the both of us that we were too stubborn to see. And they were probably right, but I knew that we would never work. We couldn't trust one another, and we both certainly didn't want to settle down. I know he cares about me, otherwise he wouldn't have done some of the things he's done for me. The boy went out of his way, in San Antonio, when he completely didn't have to, just to see me and make sure I was alright. I love him for that, I guess that's why I care. I saw a different side of him that most girls don't get to see.

As for Rob and Rudy, there are no words for the two of them. Probably the two biggest mistakes of my life. I don't hate them, but I don't love them either. I don't feel much of anything for the two of them these days. You just don't treat a girl the way those two treated me.

For the first time in my life since I was 13 years old, I’m completely single. I have no attachments what so ever to anyone. I have always been the girl with a boyfriend. I thought I would hate being single, and even though at times I do, it has been great for me. I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to count on myself only. It gets lonely from time to time, sometimes more than I’d want it to be, but I’ve accomplished more in this short time of me being single than I have while I was in a relationship.
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