♥aida♥ (oreosncheese22) wrote,

  • Location:
  • Mood:
  • Music:

We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to eachother.

So this semester is pretty much almost over, and I couldn't be happier about it. It truly did not go how I thought it would, but then again usually nothing goes as planned. School is school, same old boring classes, boring tests, and boring lectures. I'm really hoping that this last semester here goes by as fast as this one did and I can go well on my way to bigger and better things. I still have no idea what i'm planning to do next fall, but I know things will work out. They have to, as long as I keep up my GPA and keep on actually going to class.

My grandpa is leaving for a couple months to Venezuela. Although i'm truly happy for him to take this well deserved vacation time, I can't help but not want him to go. I hate not being able to see him whenever I want to, let alone just sit and watch a movie with him. Every time things just get too hard, I get too stressed or just need someone to be around, I can always count on him. Without him here for the next couple months, I really have no idea who i'm going to turn to when I just need someone to keep me grounded.. especially with the way things have been going lately.. i'd be lucky not to go insane.

When it comes to my mother, nothing really changes. It's always the same arguments, same frustrations and disappointments. Don't get me wrong, my mother is my best friend and I love her more than imaginable, but sometimes I just wish she would really appreciate me for the person that I am, rather than the person she sets me out to be. I'm only human, I make mistakes. As I was cleaning out some drawers at my grandpa's house I came upon an old report card from when I was in 1st grade. Of course I smiled observing all the A's, perfect behavior, perfect attendance.. but what truly made me cringe was a little note written at the end.. "Aida is an amazing smart girl, she's capable of so many things! But she needs to realize that it's OK for her to make mistakes.." That truly broke my heart, that made it official, even at the beginning of it all I was this way. I know that I do make mistakes.. but I won't accept them.

What truly keeps me sane though, is the fact that I have some of the most amazing people as my best friends. My girls are some of the most beautiful, caring, intelligent and fun people I have ever had the privilege of surrounding myself with. I really couldn't pick a better group of best friends. And although i've grown up having more guy friends than girls, I can honestly say there are only a handful of guy friends i'll remember forever.

Whenever it comes to my love life, things are never easy. So whenever it comes to someone new, I always expect the worse and don't get my hopes too high.

Rob and I talk a few times a week, we laugh at the stupid things I did over the weekend, and joke about how we're going to get married eventually. But each time I hang up the phone, I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I can't believe that I haven't seen him in over a year, that we haven't sat and talked, driven around, even hugged in so long. I love him, I truly do.. but it's a different kind of love. I know in my heart he's not the guy i'm supposed to end up with, but I do believe he's my soul mate. The boy knows me better than I know myself, and he's proven it time and time again. It doesn't matter that he doesn't know exactly what goes on everyday of my life anymore, he still knows by the sound of my voice if there is something on my mind and in the end, that's all that really matters. Everyone should have that one person that knows you so well, they can read you in a heartbeat.

So, as life would have it, I got my hopes up and got burned. It was the first time in god knows how long that I actually opened up to someone, sat and had an actual conversation and just spent quality time with a guy. I always keep things purely physical and nothing more. I don't get attached to anyone, doesn't matter how much of a sweet talker you may be, how hott you may be, or how amazing the sex may be.. I just don't do it. But for some INSANE reason that I'm still trying to grasp a concept on, I let myself start to actually be able to say I 'like' someone again. For lack of embarrassing myself, let's just call him Pablo. I would trip if he hadn't text me, i'd overanalyze the things he would say and do, i'd act all prim and proper, just for him. If someone told me in hs, that i'd be tripping over Pablo.. i'd laugh in their face. Not to say that I wasn't attracted to Pablo back then, but I was more afraid of him than I was interested. Anyways, Pablo and I to say that least are not going to work out. We'd spend alot of time together, and just one day overnight things changed, and now i'm left saying WTF did I just let happen?

Oh, and if another one of my exes knock up an underage teeny bopper i'm going to have a serious mental breakdown.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic